Question 1: In ISKCON devotees always say that we should talk about Lord only. I work in a public sector corporation. I have many friends; they are materially very much attached. They tease me and they even tease my Lord.
Nowadays I have stopped talking with my own materialistic friends. I have less contact with devotees. I am praying to the Lord to give His devotees’ association to me, so that I could become attached more to Him through His devotees. I love chanting and kirtanas. Only on Sunday, I am going to ISKCON centers.
Being servant of the Lord, what are my duties? Please let me know. I do not understand what is good and what is bad. Please let me know.
Answer by Romapada Swami: Scriptures indeed encourage talking only in relation to Krishna; and they discourage intimate association with materialists and purposeless mundane talks. But the indication is NOT that devotees should completely cut off all interactions with people in general. How then can this be accomplished?
One of our acharyas, Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakura, clarifies how to apply this principle in practical dealings: “That means the devotees should not engage in activities of loving exchanges with worldly people.”
There are 6 types of loving exchanges as mentioned in Nectar of Instruction, text 4. Such affectionate dealings with materialists constitute bad association. “Activities like talking with worldly people in the course of one’s work is not considered association. But when the same activities are done with affection for someone, then that is considered association with that person.”
There is nothing wrong in having routine, formal and courteous exchanges with others in the course of one’s worldly duties, without attachment. But intimate, affectionate relationships with such persons, admiring their mundane qualities or material assets, taking their opinions too seriously, or becoming engrossed in those mundane subject matters – these are like drinking poison for a spiritual aspirant. Revealing one’s mind in confidence to non-devotees, seeking their advice on important matters in our life, adopting their non-devotional outlook on life in general, and of course, participating in their activities of gross sense-gratification such as frivolous conversations, going out to dinner, movies and parties with them etc – these are very detrimental to bhakti.
Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakur also writes: “Because a householder is engaged in earning, saving, protecting, and maintaining the family, he cannot completely give up talking about others. It is best for him to live in a Krsna conscious family. When all ones material activities are related with Krsna, then even his unavoidable talk about others becomes sinless and a part of devotional practice in relation to Krsna. He should not talk about others in a way that is detrimental to anyone. He should talk about others only whatever little is necessary in his Krsna conscious family. He should not talk about others without reason.”
It is not uncommon that those who seriously take up a Krishna conscious way of life initially face disapproval and even ridicule from unsympathetic friends and family members. In fact, you can take this as an occasion to understand who your real friends are! So-called friends who are simply interested in sense-gratification and not concerned for your or their own real welfare are hardly true friends or well-wishers. So, adverse reaction from them towards your devotion should not unduly disturb you.
Yet, as devotees of the Supreme Lord, it is one of our duties to extend compassion and be a kind friend to all living entities (while at the same time not participating in their ungodly activities.) Please consider: if the devotees of the Lord had kept to themselves and had not extended their kind association to us, how could we have become devotees? While insulating ourselves from bad association, it behooves us to extend spiritual compassion towards others in appropriate ways.
While it is very wonderful to talk about Krishna to others whenever opportunity favors, it may often not be fruitful to directly discuss topics of Krishna with disinterested friends or even explain to them the spiritual motivations behind your actions. Yet, you can still maintain a cordial and kindly relationship, while gently but firmly communicating to them your disinterest in frivolous engagements as a matter of principle. Simultaneously, as a servant of the Lord, it is also our duty to conduct ourselves in such a way that common people begin to respect and appreciate devotees of God. Just envision yourself as acting very responsibly in carrying out your duties, striving to set a good example, and genuinely exhibiting the qualities of a devotee – such as being undisturbed in testing situations, always being cheerful, humble and truthful, not acting under the sway of the modes of nature which are pushing everyone else around you, and always being very kind and courteous in all your dealings with others. These qualities are natural outcome of sincerely practicing a Krishna conscious way of life. Consider what impact such qualities are likely to have on those around you. Slowly but surely it will attract the attention of your friends and colleagues and inspire them to find out what makes you so different, and thus increase their respect for Krishna and His teachings which give you such spiritual strength and character. In this way, they want to hear more about Krishna and thus be most benefited.
Rather than being concerned about the immediate reaction of your friends or trying to impress them about devotion to Krishna, or even attempting to talk to them directly about Krishna, try to glorify Krishna through your activities and conduct. By always striving to see others as objects of Krishna’s loving compassion and how you can be an instrument in bringing them closer to Krishna, you can remain protected from bad association and furthermore, render great service to your friends for the pleasure of the Lord.
A final note: as you are earnestly praying for good association, rest assured that Krishna ALWAYS answers the sincere prayers of His devotees. Please continue to pray & chant sincerely, associate with devotees when possible, and carefully study Srila Prabhupada’s books – Krishna will be pleased to guide you, through various means, to understand what is right and wrong, and how you can render loving service unto Him, just as He promises in BG 10.10.
Question 2: Devotees tell that we have to serve the Lord only. So, I have stopped helping others. Sometimes I feel I am doing wrong and I should help my friends. I am very much confused.
Answer by Romapada Swami: There is no need to stop helping others; we only need to change our conceptions of what is real help. We need to have a spiritual conception while extending help to others.
Very often, catering to the sense-gratification of others is mistaken to be compassion. And very often people think such a mistaken ideal of material compassion is more important than service to God. In order to remove this misconception, devotees emphasize that the Lord is the real object of our service. True help to our fellow living entities is to re-connect everyone to their original relationship with Krishna. It will help you to deeply meditate on the example of watering the tree – the leaves and branches are best served by watering the root, and by connecting the disconnected branches back to the root.
It is not wrong to show concern for the bodily needs or be considerate towards the feelings of others etc – indeed it is natural for a compassionate, soft-hearted devotee – provided that it is done in a manner that aids and not obscures the ultimate goal of spiritual welfare.
So in the course of your daily work and interactions with others, if there arises some opportunity for you to help others, you should try to do so by all means, within religious principles – but do it to please Krishna. And do so with the understanding that we are simply instruments in Krishna’s hand, Who alone is capable of helping anyone. Also try to consider how, while offering such assistance, you can help re-awaken and re-connect those individuals to their relationship with the Lord, in some capacity.
A simple example: rather than giving ordinary food implicated with karmic reactions, devotees distribute Krishna-prasadam to the hungry and poor; and they do this as a service to Krishna under His order, not as an independent benevolent act. Another practical application is indicated in the answer to your previous question: by your Krishna conscious dealings, you can help others to appreciate and bring them closer to Krishna and His devotees – this is the highest welfare work, and Krishna says that such persons are most dear to Him. (BG 18.68-69)
