Question: Before I became interested in Krishna, for 5 years I was interested in romance. However, no romantic situations arose. Then as soon as I got interested in Krishna, a young lady appeared as if sent to tempt me. As a romantic relationship developed, so was a relationship with Krishna, which has caused conflict because this person is not interested in spirituality, including the 4 regulative principles. I have mentioned my interest in celibacy in order that I may progress spiritually twice, and each time she has talked me out of it, basically by crying tears of attachment.
Is it neccessary to end my relationship in order to be a devotee? Is it crucial to do this as soon as possible?
Answer by Romapada Swami :
Let me share with you my experiences with many young people or students who get interested in Krishna consciousness and face a similar, if not identical, dilemma. Quite often, it is one or more of their former close friends or relatives that try to talk them out of their growing convictions on one pretext or another, all based on material considerations. I often propose to them to abide with Krishna, to stick on to the path of Truth, and to see how long those detracting friends remain with them. It is one sure way to find out who one’s real friends and well-wishers are!
The idea here is that if someone is truly interested in your welfare, and interested in you for who you really are, such a person would be happy to respect and appreciate the ideals that you value and cherish most, particularly when those ideals are based on sound and wise principles, not to speak of being eternal principles. Even if they may not be ready to embrace it themselves, they will at least not discourage you from pursuing them. On the other hand, if they are interested in you only superficially, if their real interest is only in merry-making and good times, as often most fly-by-night friends are, then it is time to reconsider how worthy or long-lasting that friendship would-be, and if it is worth sacrificing one’s principles and eternal welfare for such a materially-based and thus flickering relationship. Generally any relationship which is based only on superficial factors, i.e. which is not connected some way to the needs of the soul, will diverge, mutate or terminate with time. It is almost always seen that those who take to the spiritual path seriously quickly find out where their true friendships or other loving relationships lie.
I would suggest you to consider the same principle in this situation. You may not wish to take any drastic action as long as it does not pose an immediate threat to your spiritual life and you can maintain your steadiness of purpose. It is not necessary that one must give up everything else in order to be a devotee, and a Krishna-centered married life (grihastha ashrama) is quite welcome and conducive to spiritual life. A devotee accepts whatever is favorable for his relationship with Krishna and rejects anything that threatens his relationship with Krishna. If you remain steadfast in your determination to go to Krishna, in time it will be clear to you if this particular relationship is something that will be meaningful to you or not, and if it can go in parallel with your spiritual progress or not. If someone is truly attached to you, by seeing your inner qualities, they may in time develop greater respect and appreciation for spiritual principles, if not immediately, or else they may decide to move on. Furthermore, if you consistently choose Krishna, the Lord in the Heart, Who is observing all your desires – He will arrange for the most favorable circumstances and relationships that will aid your spiritual life. Thus, by choosing Krishna consistently, you can be rest assured that all your other desires will be fulfilled most satisfactorily.
However, do beware that attraction to the opposite sex is the greatest snare of maya – if you find yourself weakening in your determination for spiritual progress, if other things slowly encroach on your attention upon Krishna, then you can be sure that this is maya’s temptation, and in such an event do not hesitate to act decisively to stop yourself from being pulled sharply back into the vortex of the material whirlpool.
