Question: My parents are not devotees. When they go to parties, they force me to accompany them and I get very frustrated because I am forced to tolerate materialists all round me. I try to preach but in the end I find myself more frustrated because there are some persons who find all kinds of arguments to contradict me and when I refute them, they just go on talking and do not give me the opportunity to voice out, thus forcing me to listen to them. What should I do?
Answer by Romapada Swami:
This is a common difficulty, with different dynamics of course, for many devotees. Rest assured, you have a lot of good company!
The best solution, obviously, would be to find ways to avoid such situations of unfavorable association if at all possible. But when that is not possible, it would be best to refrain from entering into confrontations and arguments with non-devotees who are not open-minded. Such endless debates would serve no good purpose for either party, conversely it may serve to deepen the entrenched material conceptions of the other party; in fact, unless one is a sufficiently advanced devotee who has understood scriptural conclusions thoroughly, debates with hard core materialists could prove to be harmful to one’s own budding faith in devotional service.
Although Vedic authority offers the highest and most logical conclusions, those who are blindly or dogmatically attached to their own ideas can never accept these conclusions. Moreover, Krishna cannot be understood through arguments and counter-arguments, but only through humble service and submissive inquiries in association of those who have realized Him. Krishna remains hidden from those who don’t want to know Him. Instead of coming closer to Krishna, such persons may even become more averse or inimical to Krishna when attempts are made to forcefully dismantle their conceptions. For this reason, scriptures forbid us from instructing faithless persons about the glories of the Holy Name and of devotional service, lest they commit more offenses against the Lord.
When in such unavoidable non-devotee association, therefore, it is best to externally act like one among them while being internally detached from meaningless exchanges and frivolous conversations. This certainly proves to be quite a challenge, but by practicing being prayerful and taking shelter of Krishna, we can be protected.
This advice is not meant to diminish your desire to preach. It is natural that when one has the matchless treasure of Krishna consciousness, one is eager to share it with others and to tell the whole world. But when someone is disinclined and even averse, or they are simply interested in mundane wrangling than pursuing a change of heart, the best service we could do for them is to try to not disturb them, yet whenever possible to give them Krishna’s mercy indirectly. If possible, you could give them Krishna prasadam, with or even without their knowledge, and that will gradually purify their hearts.
Most important in all of this is that our own consciousness be actually absorbed in Krishna and in a mood of humble service; that will leave a deeper impact on others, more than a thousand words spoken. Those who are sincere will sense the difference. When you find someone who is open minded and favorably disposed, you could share your knowledge of Krishna consciousness with them, and their reasonable doubts can be dispelled with logical explanations. Such exchanges will actually be both satisfying and beneficial.
