Question.1: What is the purpose of marriage as viewed by ISKCON?
Question.2: What criteria should be for choosing a husband/wife for devotees?
Question.3: Is a wife’s service to her husband/family considered to be her service to Krishna?
Question.4: Is a woman supposed to have family and children as being her natural state or is it not necessary as long as she finds a service she can do well by herself?
Answer by Romapada Swami:
- The purpose of marriage is to provide an opportunity for all the members in the family to properly support one another to peacefully practice and grow in their Krishna Consciousness. In Vedic scriptures, the institution of marriage is referred to as an “ashram” or a sacred place of purification. Marriage provides much opportunity for this as it involves rising above one’s own personal attachments/issues and serving the other members of the family with devotion and detachment. This is not easy (many married devotees will attest for this) but it is so by design to help devotees grow and become more pure in their Krsna Consciousness. Thus, marriage, if properly approached, is an amazing opportunity offered to the conditioned soul to shed its false ego and become more advanced in Krsna Consciousness and cultivate devotional qualities like patience, determination, chastity, faith etc. The key to making this all happen is a strong relationship of service and inquiry with a bonafide spiritual master, as well as those who closely guide one’s spiritual life.
2. A strong commitment to Krishna Consciousness, not just externally in terms of practices etc but also internally, are essential criteria.
Internally means an openness of heart to ask, receive and learn how to mold one’s own consciousness, especially in moments when challenges arise.
If this internal resource is there, then no matter what obstacles come on the path of marriage, they can be easily overcome. This commitment is an important criteria to keep in mind for both the intending partners.
Hence it is best if both the devotees have a strong relationship with some authority in ISKCON (Guru and/or a Vaishnava preceptor) from whom they can receive input, training and guidance — both individually and together — throughout this process. This is very essential as most often devotees need training not just in what decision to make but also how to make a decision.
A strong marriage rests on the good qualities and strong Krsna Consciousness of both the husband and wife. There should be an unwavering sense of respect towards the other, no matter what good/bad qualities we see in the other (especially over time, as familiarity grows, etc). So, in one sense, a very important criteria is “Do I respect this person from deep within my heart and can I respect and serve him always?”
Other questions that devotees commonly ask before marriage: how many years of training in Krishna Consciousness does the other person have; does he/she have strong sadhana practices of hearing/chanting; does he/she have close relationships with other Vaishnavas; is he/she aspiring for spiritual initiation from a Guru; what is their level of commitment to the four reg principles etc.?
Compatibility has to be established in these areas.
3. Absolutely. A devotee wife looks upon her husband and children/family as parts and parcels of Krishna. She recognizes that her family is an arrangement of Krishna in her life and she fully accepts and serves them with the same mood of devotion as she would serve Krishna. By doing this alone, a wife can progress very quickly in the path of devotion to Krishna!
By serving Krishna in this way, the wife is fostering a spiritual atmosphere in her house which further nurtures the Krsna Consciousness of her entire family. With her own practices and behavior, she inspires her husband and teaches her children how to cultivate one’s spiritual life while living regular lives in the modern world. In other words, a wife plays a very powerful role in the spiritual growth of her family.
4. Being married is a natural place of shelter, protection, service and Krsna,Divine Conscious engagement for a woman. Although it is not necessary to marry in order to follow Krsna Consciouness, it is recommended for most female aspirants as it brings with it many natural opportunities for spiritual growth and learning.
Whether to have family/children within one’s marriage is a personal decision that a devotee couple must make for themselves. The basis for the choice must be “What would best support me/us so we can properly pursue our spiritual practices?”
As said before, whenever faced with such big dilemnas, a mature devotee naturally consults other Vaishnavas. This mood of dependence pleases Krishna and attracts His mercy.
