Question: Sometimes we have conflicts with others. In such circumstances, how to keep a mood of loving others, not hurting others?
Answer by Romapada Swami:
This “how-to” question has a simple answer.
But sometimes we do not like simple answers. Often we like complicated ones.
The simple answer is by Kṛṣṇa consciousness.
See the other person as a spiritual soul.
At a university in America, we were discussing the Gītā value of sama-darśinaḥ. Do you know the meaning?
vidyā-vinaya-sampanne
brāhmaṇe gavi hastini
śuni caiva śva-pāke ca
paṇḍitāḥ sama-darśinaḥ
(Bhagavad- gītā 5.18)
One of the values taught in Bhagavad- gītā is sama-darśinaḥ — which means seeing everyone, including various forms of life, with equal vision. The circumstance was a university classroom, with about thirty students attending. After explaining the principle of sama-darśinaḥ to these totally new people, bearing in mind that they were not sādhakas, not chanting Hare Kṛṣṇa or anything, I invited them to make the following experiment.
“Three steps. Close your eyes. Take five deep breaths. Think of some situations where someone did something very hurtful or very harsh to you, and how do you feel when that happened.
Step back from that feeling, being conscious that it is just in the mind.
Next, you are going to observe the mind’s feelings.
Aside from what the person said or did, think of that person as the spark of life, the soul inside.
Stay there. Contemplate the spark of life inside of that person.
That spark of life, like you, has its own feelings, aspirations, and views of what is important to them. They are also parts of Kṛṣṇa, as you are.
Now, looking at that person as the spirit soul, what are your feeling towards that person, as the spirit soul within?
Turn to the person sitting next to you. Take five minutes; share what you experienced in both of those episodes – when contemplating a disturbing exchange with another person. Share with your neighbor the shift in feelings towards that other person.
That was the conclusion of the thirty-five to forty minutes’ class.
Then there was a discussion.
Three people were invited to share their experiences.
One said, “Wow, I felt a big release from the hurt and ill feelings I was holding towards the other person. I was not seeing them as a spirit soul. I was seeing them as their behaviors. However, the behavior is not the person.”
All 3 expressed a profound, meaningful shift in their emotional regard for the other individual.
One of them said “I still do not like their bad behavior, but I now have a different feeling about the person. And my hurt feeling is gone.”
I replied, “Do not be surprised what will happen when you again forget the person is a spirit soul; the bad feelings towards them will come back.”
This was exactly what Nārada was saying to Dhruva (Canto 4 of Srimad Bhagavatam). “The negative feeling which you are feeling towards your stepmother is arising from the illusory energy.”
You do not have to like bad behavior or harsh speech of others. But…see that person as a spirit soul. They are dear to Krishna because they are his part-and-parcel souls. Sama-darśinaḥ does not make bad behavior okay. It just means seeing the soul as dear to Kṛṣṇa. All souls are parts of Kṛṣṇa.
In this way, you can have a higher regard for all persons, by always carrying a spiritual conception of who they are.
