Question: I am writing this mail to inform you about an obstacle I am facing in my attempt to practice Krishna Consciousness. I come from a so called “traditional Brahmin family”. We are said to be belonging to a sect which represents original “Vedic tradition” Brahmins. I guess, like anyone else, my parents and especially my Mother is totally upset about my devotional activities. Now they are coming to know about the lifestyle of a devotee – mostly through their speculation, based on their experience, I guess. My mother has warned me that I should keep away from ISKCON. I should not go to the temple, nor keep association of devotees. I am even forbidden from reading Srila Prabhupada’s books. She has said she is my best well wisher and the ISKCON devotees are trying to put me into maya – on a completely wrong path. She even says – she and my father will have to take a “Neecha Janma” (degraded life) because of my devotional activities. But the problem is – over the last few months I have developed so much attachment to devotional service that I cannot leave it at any cost. I have been trying to chant regularly, worship a Radha Krishna deity along with Srila Prabhupada & Pancha Tattva, at home. I offer flowers and dhoop every day. I constantly chant – when I am driving or when I am free. I try to listen to nothing other than bhajans and kirtans when at home. I regularly read the literature of Srila Prabhupada. I think no one will be able to convince me that taking to Krishna Consciousness is not the right thing. Now my mother has threatened me that she may even commit suicide. She says she will throw away all pictures / deities of Lord Krishna at home and she will start hating Lord Krishna. Even in the best case, she might leave home and stay at her parent’s place or a pilgrimage place like Kasi. I think she got very disturbed because my social life may be so much different from non-devotees. Moreover I am the only son – apart from 2 daughters. I have tried to explain to her about the rationale behind taking to Krishna Consciousness. I have also told her that we are no longer acting like “brahmins”, about which we are so proud of.
All this is of no avail. I have to confront my mother and I either lose her or I stop practicing Krishna Consciousness. Both are painful to me. Please guide me. I beg your mercy.
Answer by Romapada Swami: First of all, congratulations for your firm conviction and earnestly accepting the process of pure devotion that Srila Prabhupada has magnanimously brought to us. Please rest assured that as you steadily cultivate and become mature in your own Krishna consciousness and with careful, considerate and mature dealings with your parents, the situation will improve and their outlook towards Krishna consciousness is sure to change for the better, without your having to take any drastic measures.
It appears from your description that the main cause for concern for your parents is based on certain misgivings they might have about Krishna consciousness and more importantly how they think it might affect your life as well your relationship with them and others. It would thus help to address their concerns and reassure them on these particular issues, rather than trying to reason with them or convince them rationally about the validity and importance of this process and so on. In fact, you can be sure that the best of logical conclusions and philosophy would not reach their hearts until their concerns and fears are allayed by your own reassuring conduct and day-to-day dealings.
The best course of action at this point, therefore, would be to avoid all sorts of arguments and confrontations; instead, simply reassure your mother of your respect and love for her, both by words and more importantly in everyday actions, while maintaining your personal practices without much ado. In other words, internally, inconspicuously and quietly do your devotional practices without stirring attention; and by manifesting higher qualities such as humility and respect in your dealings with them, being caring and considerate, being responsible in your day-to-day activities and participating normally in some of the routine social interactions, you can allay her fears, show her that they are unwarranted and gain her trust.
You can personally take this apparent tension as an opportunity provided by Krishna to deepen your own devotion, to enable you to go beyond the formal activities and enter into the real spirit of devotional service, to study scriptures more attentively and so on, which will then carry into and illuminate all of your interactions with family members and the society at large.
As far your parents forbidding you from performing devotional activities is concerned, you could gently but firmly explain to them that as an adult and working individual, you deserve the freedom to choose your personal activities, preferences and mode of worship as long as it does not disrupt other’s lives; in all fairness, you cannot let anyone impede this freedom to cultivate your eternal relationship with the Supreme Lord.
And yet, quite apart from the spiritual reasons that inspire you personally, you can appeal to your parents from just an ordinary platform that these particular activities give you great peace of mind, and you have chosen them just as someone else might choose movies, sports or music. You could highlight to them in a light-hearted manner, the benefits of the sattvic eating habits and social habits even from the mundane point of view. They should be happy and proud that you have chosen this rather than some of the quite corrupt activities that modern youth are prone to indulge in today’s rapidly degrading, westernized culture overtaking India. Rather than focusing on the differences between your traditional practices and Krishna consciousness, highlight to them how similar and close it is to the pure practices and ideals of your own tradition, and so on.
Regarding your mother’s well-intentioned but misinformed concern that your devotional activities would lead them to a degraded birth, this is simply not true; if anything, they are assured of a much higher destination simply by virtue of your simple yet heartfelt devotional practices such as chanting and associating with saintly persons, which are superior to even high-grade Vedic sacrifices! For the sake of strengthening your own personal conviction, you might like to recollect numerous examples from scriptures that give quite a contrary picture to your mother’s idea. For example, see the prayers by Prahlada Maharaja and prayers by Devahuti.
It might be beneficial to arrange for your parents to meet with some experienced and well-situated devotee(s), if possible of similar age and cultural background, whom you feel your parents would be able to respect and trust; in such association they might be able to resolve some of these basic misunderstandings and cultural differences. This need not be an immediate, primary step but can be considered when they become somewhat more comfortable, receptive and not so threatened by your practices.
In any case, I would like to suggest that you be totally non-confrontational and joyful in all your dealings with your family members. Your genuine happiness and the qualities you exhibit would be the best argument that could convince them. This will take time, and may not be accomplished overnight; meanwhile be patient, both with your parents as well as with yourself as you mature in your application of Krishna consciousness.
I hope this is of help in overcoming your obstacle. I wish you the very best. Hare Krishna!
