Q. I have been (and continuing to be) in a constant attack of very intense miseries since the last 6 years. I am very fortunate and grateful for the association of devotees since the last 4 years. However sometimes I am so worn out and exhausted physically and mentally that I just want to be left alone for months being a recluse. This is partly because I’m forced to act happy and enthusiastic (amongst devotees or non-devotees) when there is so much mental agony, anguish and anxiety that is constantly bombarding my mind.
Just as an example say I go to a home program or visit the temple I have to maintain my peaceful and joyful outlook, if not I can observe that my mood and lack of enthusiasm affects others. I have observed that it is very natural for people in happy and balanced lives to be joyful (within their comfort zones), but on the other hand this outlook is painful to be adapted by people in extreme situations. I also feel there is expectation that people in extreme situations become oblivious to their miseries and try to be happy i.e. you are not this body, Krishna is the doer etc. Although I whole heartedly welcome this expectation, it however does not seem to do me much good because I have not reached that level of spiritual stability yet. I am a slow learner.
My question: Is there a better alternative to tackle this situation? Please advise.
I am very grateful to you for taking the time and attention to visit my Wife when she was hospitalized two years ago in spite of your very, very busy schedules. Thank you very much Maharaj.
Answer by Romapada Swami: Thank you very much for opening your heart, as well as for your perseverance and your devotion in taking shelter of Krishna and the sanga of His devotees throughout so many reverses.
I can very much empathize with your struggles and admittedly it is not easy. I can assure you, however, that in terms of the process of Krishna consciousness, there is no expectation that a devotee should obliterate his feelings, or artificially induce a peaceful outlook, or try to act beyond his level of realization. It is quite possible that some beginning devotees may have such a conception or expectation of spiritual life, but in fact what we are striving for is genuine development of spiritual realization where we are naturally undisturbed and happy in all conditions.
Krishna is a loving person, and the most dear friend. By acting in our relationship with Him, whether in the midst of a situation that may be the cause of happiness or in distress, we gradually attain deep realization of His protection under all circumstances. On this basis, a devotee’s ability to deal with all types of situations in this world becomes strengthened and matures — not by brute force but by natural spiritual advancement.
Devotional life is not at all impersonal or repressive, rather it allows for fully opening one’s heart and expressing one’s innermost feelings within the framework of our loving relationship with Krishna and His devotees. We see in the opening pages of the Bhagavad-gita how Arjuna opens his heart before Krishna, freely expressing his intense grief and confusion. The Lord does not command Arjuna to suppress those feelings by some artificial mental adjustment or intellectual exercise. Rather, He speaks transcendental knowledge to help Arjuna factually “transcend” those feelings by becoming established in his relationship with the Lord and execute his service.
There are many such examples of how devotees cross over or even transcend great difficulties, bewilderment and grief by opening their hearts and confidentially discussing with qualified devotees. (e.g. Maharaja Yudhisthira opening his heart to Bhishma, and later to Narada, and being pacified by them (see SB Canto 1, 1.8.46-52, 1.9.1-21 and SB 1.13.31-50 )
These dialogs such as the one between Arjuna and Krishna can be best appreciated when we understand it not just as a philosophical discourse but in the context of their relationship, in this case the very intimate loving friendship between Arjuna and Krishna, and further by Arjuna’s accepting Krishna as His spiritual master and reposing full trust in His guidance. Because of this strong fabric of loving relationship between them, Krishna’s words are not merely dry philosophizing nor are they painful and demanding — even though they may apparently sound reprimanding or stern at times — but they factually empower the devotee to overcome his obstacles and attain to the transcendental stage.
In the same way, what can provide you much support and strength through all this is having the opportunity to regularly open your heart in a close loving relationship. You have expressed much appreciation and gratitude for the association of devotees; I would like to encourage you to now take deeper shelter in such association — because Krishna’s mercy is manifested in the sanga of His devotees.
By association, I mean not just the larger gatherings – which are also nice and have their place — but find some avenue for personal one-to-one relationship with one or two devotees whom you feel can understand your situation, which will allow for deep, heart-to-heart exchanges — this is likely to prove much more beneficial than withdrawing into a solitude that is devoid of any truly uplifting factor.
In an intimate relationship, you can feel free to be open and share your innermost feelings without feeling constrained by formalities, and also feel fully understood, yet not judged. In a mature and balanced friendly relationship, you would not only disclose your difficulties and pains and frustrations and seek help, but also from time to time share positive confidential expressions, such as heartfelt appreciation and gratitude for the support and solace you are getting from devotees, how the process of Krishna-consciousness is helping you face these extreme difficulties, acknowledging the spiritual resources and good fortune that have been bestowed upon you even amidst these difficulties, some of the realizations you are getting by facing these ordeals God-consciously and so on. Such opening of the heart and sharing, although it sounds deceptively simple, can provide a well-spring of fresh strength, enthusiasm, relief, hope and confidence.
One powerful way to nourish such a relationship where such open exchanges become easier is to discuss relevant scriptural topics – hearing together or studying and discussing Bhagavad-gita etc — such discussions need not always be focused on your particular situation and yet from time to time they can be related to your personal life, and you can also hear from others their realizations and experiences. As you openly express your heart, you will also find strength to open your heart to receive and gain strength from their encouragement, suggestions and counsel.
When you feel this support even in one or two spiritually-centered relationships, and when you gain deeper realizations of how Krishna is actually protecting you amidst these situations, then you will find it progressively easier to associate with devotees in larger gatherings, where you can feel comfortable, feeling at peace with your situation and grateful, or at least tolerant, even if not bubbling with enthusiasm and jubilation.
In the course of interactions with devotees in general, you sould try to cultivate an attitude of genuine service mood, as much as you can, knowing that service to vaishnavas is highly beneficial and pleasing to Krishna. When there is such a mood of service, you will feel empowered to go beyond the immediate personal absorption and interact with devotees in a genuine way rather than interacting on the basis of artificial social obligations only.
You may not be particularly joyful, nor would you have to disclose all your troubles and feelings to everyone, and yet you could maintain a pleasant and genuine mood of service towards them and thus gain their good will. If devotees were to inquire into your well-being and occasionally offer some philosophical advice, you could gratefully accept it as a loving gesture and reminder, and carry forward with your inner devotional cultivation, rather than feel pressured by those statements. Seeing you in such a disposition, even amidst adversities, could prove to be a source of strength and inspiration for others as well.
To sum it up, I would like to encourage you to seek opportunities for confidential loving relationships with some qualified and trusted devotees and by regular heartfelt exchanges with them you will find necessary devotional strength when faced with adverse situations, rather than withdrawing into seclusion. And also by virtue of the support you find therein, you will feel uplifted enough to interact with the larger devotee community by development of a genuine mood of service. I hope these suggestions are of some help to you.
You have my best wishes.
Hare Krishna!
