Question : I have so much contamination and materialism in my heart that it is disturbing my consciousness when I am associating with devotees. Greed and envy for spiritual gain is coming to my mind sometimes.
By the mercy of Krishna and Prabhupada, I have got this wonderful association. I don’t know how long will I have such good fortune and mercy. What should I be meditating on and what should be my consciousness when I associate with devotees, such that I don’t keep thinking of just gaining or gaining more out of it.
Service is what I look for but it’s not all the time. Please guide me in this.
Answer by Romapada Swami :
Thank you for your sincere and honest inquiry. Such honest admission and genuine regret in itself is the first step towards removing any undesirable tendencies from the heart. Having recognized one’s present condition of heart, and having identified what the desired condition is (namely – unmotivated service), actively replace it with the positive cultivation. Keep looking for opportunities to serve; and when you do get some service, do it with all your heart, not merely going through the physical motions. Rendering practical, physical service is very beneficial and important too, but service is not limited to that, particularly if the mind is still absorbed in other considerations and anxieties. When you experience the deep satisfaction coming from unmotivated heartfelt devotional service, all other tendencies will proportionately slacken.
Rendering service “with the heart” requires cultivation. An essential component of it is to regularly contemplate and express heartfelt appreciation of the glories of Krishna and His pure devotees and how their descending mercy is transforming your life. Such glorification is itself a form of service.
Set aside a few minutes daily to deeply meditate and nurture strong feelings of gratitude, deepening the general sense of gratitude reflected in your question itself into very specific appreciation for the numerous ways in which you are receiving descending mercy. Many devotees have benefited greatly by the practice of writing a gratitude and regret journal. Deep feelings of gratitude for all the transcendental gifts one is receiving and sincere regret for not fully utilizing these gifts can purge out all sorts of lesser motivations, and provide impetus for genuine service attitude.
Another aspect of this positive cultivation is to consider the interest of Krishna, which we can easily understand through the medium of the spiritual master. The more we think of the interest of Guru and Krishna, the less the mind will be absorbed in one’s own interest. Or rather, one’s own interest is included in, and automatically taken care of, by fulfilling the interest of Krishna. (na te viduh svartha gatim hi visnuh, SB 7.5.31, which says that our real self-interest is service to Vishnu.) You can regularly meditate on this simple but profound example of how all the needs of the finger is automatically taken care of when it is connected and engaged in fulfilling the interest of the whole body. In this mood, practice considering what is the interest of Guru and Krishna and what is your role in fulfilling their interest.
One specific and very important service in their interest is your becoming an exemplary and joyful devotee yourself! Try to assimilate the teachings and the good qualities exemplified by the devotees you interact with — and strive to live by them. This would be the most important way to properly utilize and reciprocate with this wonderful treasure of good association. We should aspire to become the kind of representative that Srila Prabhupada would want us to become. That would mean carefully receiving the training and striving to preserve the purity and the culture of loving vaishnava relationships that has been handed down through generations by our great acaryas. Soon, you may be called upon to extend similar good association to the newer / younger members of Srila Prabhupada’s family as you are now receiving.
By looking forward to and taking such responsibilities on behalf of Srila Prabhupada and his representatives in your life, you can reciprocate with this causeless mercy, you can overcome all unwanted tendencies that trouble the heart, and you can feel deep internal satisfaction without considerations of “what is in it for me?”
Most importantly, always strive for strong practice of hearing and chanting — it is the basis of all spiritual progress and it is the sublime process for purification of the heart. Everything else is meant not as a substitute but as means to facilitate and enhance our ability to effectively take shelter of chanting the Holy Name and hearing Srimad Bhagavatam.
