Question :
I have always appreciated the morality in the four regulative principles, but I have not always kept them. I like the scriptures and I like studying them. I like the idea of chanting and devotional service. But for me, the chanting itself is often an absurd exercise in futility. Some days, I chant 16 rounds, some days none.
I like the idea of offering food before eating it. But for me, when I do it, it usually feels like a silly game, as if I would be playing with a children’s toy tea set. I don’t mean to be disrespectful when I am saying this, this is just how it feels for me.
I like discipline and order very much, and I can keep them for some time for their own sake. But sooner or later I start wondering why I am keeping them, what I am trying to accomplish with them – but no answer I know of convinces me, and this is when I fall. I try to “just do it”, to not ask any questions, to not think about things, to “have faith”. And I grit my teeth and I try to bear the feelings of absurdity. But eventually, after a week or two of this, I become so frustrated and so stressed out that I have to medicate the stress somehow, and it is usually with overeating, chocolate, sleeping, television.
Answer by Romapada Swami:
One of the prime principles of bhakti yoga, or the process of linking with the Supreme, is the principle of Sacrifice. Everyone in this world acts only for some self-interest. This, however, is the root of material disease. Just as a healthy limb works not for its own satisfaction but for the satisfaction of the whole body, similarly, we are meant to work for the satisfaction of Krishna. The yoga process is meant to bring us to this stage of selflessness. Chanting because ‘I like to do it’ still remains a selfish activity!!! But Chanting a prescribed number of rounds, because God likes it — whether I like it or not — is a form of devotional sacrifice both simple and sublime.
Even in a mundane so-called loving relationship of this world, people set aside their own preferences and do things very uncharacteristic for their nature just for pleasing the beloved. Shall we not be willing to do something simple for God to develop our loving relationship with Him? Try to chant in this spirit of loving sacrifice. Ideally, the chanting is an intense prayer of calling out to God, like a child crying for its mother. But in the beginning stages, it is to be expected that the mind is not absorbed in such a prayerful mood for long. Even on such days, chant anyway, like it or not, as a loving sacrifice — that chanting is even more pleasing to Krishna. It is not force, nor is it a ritual or drudgery. It is a conscious, free choice to do as directed by the Supreme, heedless of the mind’s ever-fluctuating likes and dislikes.
The offering of food to the Deity form of Krishna is another such prescribed form of sacrifice, not an imaginary ritual. I can understand the cultural / mental block you experience from time to time. It is not unique to you, many beginners in bhakti experience such difficulties. It is easily remedied by clearly understanding the principles behind these spiritual practices and then reinforcing that spiritual conception in the mind by repeated practice accompanied by regular hearing/studying of the philosophy. For example, you can study BG 3.10 and ISO 5, and certain other sections which you come across and are particularly meaningful to you — study these sections regularly to fix in the mind a spiritual conception of these activities.
Discipline and order is a symptom of the mode of goodness (sattva guna), but as you have found out, they cannot be sustained for their own sake without a higher principle. Even if some one can sustain by a sort of military discipline, they become dry and purposeless rather than elevating. The higher principle is the desire to connect with and to please God. The same can be applied with your studies also — since it is now done as a chore, without any higher purpose, it is so tedious for you. Consider the case of Arjuna, who had to fight a gruesome war although he had no personal interest in it, but because he did it as a loving service to please the Lord, he did not find it tiring or meaningless, and could go on with great vigor.
When doubts surface or you lose sight of the purpose and understanding behind the activity — which is to be expected in the beginning stages since the mind and senses are slow to adapt to new habits — neither try to analyze the whys and wherefores, nor try to do it begrudgingly, but try to reconnect to your real goal viz. to lovingly connect with God. Go back to take shelter of a more fundamental principle that you do have clear understanding of, or study/hear your favorite sections from Prabhupada’s books/lectures. Soon your consciousness will become clear again.
