Question: My daughter who is in 9th grade has fear of exams. As her mother, how can I help her relax?
Answer by Romapada Swami:
The best and most long-lasting help you can give your daughter is to help create a God-centered loving atmosphere at home which is founded on a lifestyle in the mode-of-goodness (sattva guna). This will not only address her fear of exams, but help her form strong character that will enable her to face any situation in life.
The basic characteristics of goodness are (1) regulation, (2) cleanliness, (3) acting out of a sense of duty rather than for achieving a desired result or out of fear, and (4) living a life guided by scriptures and Acharyas. Although these principles are very attractive, you cannot sustain them in and of itself, but if you practice these principles with devotion to God, they elevate the consciousness beyond all fear and lamentation.
Try to create an environment around your daughter that fosters these principles.
Here are some practical steps you can take:
1. A regulated lifestyle would essentially need regulation in eating habits, regulated hours for study and recreation, going to bed on time and rising early. You can facilitate your daughter in these practices.
2. Try to encourage your daughter to participate in some regulated spiritual practices, if you are not already doing so, particularly chanting Hare Krishna Mahamantra and studying Bhagavad-gita As It Is. Even 15 minutes of chanting Hare Krishna on beads daily would be a good beginning. Hearing from advanced devotees if possible, or discussing the messages and examples from scripture regularly together is an excellent way to help her uplift her mind beyond its immediate absorption to the transcendental plane.
3. In your interactions with her, as well as in general dealings among family members, try to encourage a character-oriented value-system rather than a result-oriented one. That is to say, rather than emphasizing good grades or other competitive measures of success, teach your daughter to value strong character — such as the importance of being dutiful, being responsible in one’s work and punctual, being grateful for God’s gifts in her life and so on. In your interactions with her, appreciate good qualities in others rather than their achievements. Whatever you yourself think matters most in life, your daughter will imperceptibly adopt the same value-system. Show your daughter that what really matters most to you is her sincere efforts regardless of intermediate success/failure, that the real success is to please God than accomplishing a temporary goal. Fear and anxiety are due to placing too much importance on the results.
Help your daughter see that by adopting the right means and righteous means, the best possible results will come automatically.
You yourself have to deeply consider and be convinced of this fact before you can give her this confidence. What I have suggested here is based on the eternal principles given in the Bhagavad-Gita. I have quoted the relevant sections in the end; if possible, you can study these sections and you may even want to guide your daughter in studying these particular sections and help her understand how she can apply it in the context of her duties as a daughter / student. This will make scriptures very pertinent and interesting for her, and help her develop deep qualities.
Over and above all, try to inspire her by your example and encouragement to take shelter of Krishna and cultivate the consciousness of doing everything for Krishna’s enjoyment. Srila Prabhupada offers this as the PEACE FORMULA:
bhoktaram yajna-tapasam
sarva-loka-mahesvaram
suhrdam sarva-bhutanam
jnatva mam santim rcchati
“Krishna is the Supreme Enjoyer. He is the sole proprietor of everything. And He is the best well-wishing friend of everyone. One who knows this attains peace from the pangs of material miseries.” (BG 5.29)
References:
BG Chapter 2 Texts 38-50, particularly Text 47
BG Chapter 14 and Chapter 18
