Question: I have a question about how to break the maya and to deal with karmic baggage. I come from a highly intelligent family. I however, suffer from manic depression. I am the youngest and the least intelligent. So, things are more difficult for me.
The good news is that the Gita IS taking hold. Because of the Gita, issues and problems are beginning to heal and my behavior has changed drastically over the four months that I have listened to it. I enjoy working and giving my work to Krishna, and I enjoy the nectar of an audio Gita everyday.
I consider myself a sudra, NOT because of my intellect, but because of my disability. I enjoy words and how they work. I am word-smith. I am actually more Hindu, than a Hare-Krishna. I do believe I am a dualist. I would say that BOTH devotional service and philosophical rumination/discourse are good.
I still deal with paranoia and the shame from my karmic baggage. When the maya comes over me, it is hard to feel Krishna even though I know He is there. A part of me still feels Krishna (atman?) but that part cannot act, because of the mode of pass, ion and the circumstances still “color” my perceptions. It is not until later that I can understand what is going on and correct it. I get caught up in guilt and shame and think that I am condemned.
Where I live, the Hindu community stays hidden, so I don’t get the benefits of any Yogi instruction. I need to stay close to the mode of goodness. I need to strengthen my knowledge. Respectfully, I ask for ideas.
Answer by Romapada Swami:
Within Part 1 of my reply, I will first address your question re. staying uncovered by maya and closer to goodness.
The best means to counteract maya is to somehow or other stay in constant touch with Krishna.
mam ca yo ‘vyabhicarena
bhakti-yogena sevate
sa gunan samatityaitan
brahma -bhuyaya kalpate
“One who renders service unto Me, through the linking process of bhakti-yoga, unfailing in all circumstances, at once transcends the modes of material nature and comes to the spiritual platform.” (BG 14.26)
Krishna is the “Supreme-Atman” or the “Super-soul”, and is above maya, He is even beyond material goodness. Because Krishna is above maya, anyone in touch with Him also rises above maya. Krishna is like the Sun, and maya is compared to darkness. Where there is light, there can be no darkness.
The Self is by nature superior to Maya, but because it is an infinitesimal spark, it is susceptible to become covered. But when it is connected to the Supreme Self, it cannot be covered.
Particularly in the practice stage, it is to be expected that one will experience ups and downs in consciousness, due to past conditioning.
But by continuing to connect to the Supreme Self, in all circumstances, somehow or other, however feeble one’s strength and clarity at such times may be — the influences of passion and ignorance will gradually subside. Soon one becomes established in steady goodness.
Your specific question is how to remember/feel Krishna’s presence when you feel particularly covered/pushed by the modes. Of all the different methods of linking to Krishna, hearing and chanting transcendental sound vibrations that directly praise Krishna are particularly most powerful.
For hearing to be effective, it should be from the lips of a liberated soul, who is free from any tinge of material desires or sins. The sound vibrations from a pure person can penetrate the heart and revive one’s intrinsic knowledge, even at such times when we become covered or lost in deep forgetfulness. Hearing about Krishna and/or repeating His Holy Names is guaranteed to dissipate the cloud of maya and uproot karmic baggage, just as the rising sun can dissipate thick fog.
The Gita also acknowledges your belief that devotional service and philosophical understanding go side by side.
“Religion without philosophy is sentimental, or sometimes fanatic, and philosophy without devotional service is just dry empiricism.” Even a person with knowledge can fall prey to maya, as seen in the history of even great sages and demigods. But by pure devotional service, particularly hearing from a pure soul, one’s knowledge matures into realization, and then one does not fall down.
If you have access to Srila Prabhupada’s audio recordings and particularly his chanting, may I recommend you to try listening to them?
You wrote about being overcome with feelings of guilt or shame. Regret for one’s lapses can be beneficial – it makes one humble and sober, and humility is the beginning of true knowledge. Sincere regret also prevents such tendencies from turning into habits. But excessive remorse and lamentation are in the Mode of Ignorance. The process of self-realization may take time but those who are persistent will eventually be victorious. Even if forgetful or covered over sometimes, the moment you get clarity, you can re-cover and re-instate yourself again without looking back. When dark feelings tend to overpower you, recall the Gita’s emphatic words of assurances:
BG 9.30: “Even if one commits the most abominable action, if he is engaged in devotional service he is to be considered saintly because he is properly situated in his determination.”
BG 9.31: “He quickly becomes righteous and attains lasting peace. O son of Kunti, declare it boldly that My devotee never perishes.”
BG 9.32: “O son of Prtha, those who take shelter in Me, though they be of lower birth — women, vaisyas [merchants] and sudras [workers] — can attain the supreme destination.”
Instead of feeling undone, an aspiring transcendentalist uses such times to reflect within and search where their knowledge or understanding is weak or lacking, and thus delves deeper into the mysteries of Bhagavad-gita’s wisdom.
Part 2: Designations such as brahmana/sudra, intelligent/dull, man/woman – all these pertain to the body only. They are not the permanent identity of the Self. The spirit soul is sat-cit-ananda-vigraha — eternally full of pure knowledge and bliss; the soul can neither be a sudra nor less intelligent.
Indeed, the rigid external designative approach to the different castes & orders of society has led to the corruption of the original Varnashrama on which “Hinduism” is based. By adopting suitable means and by higher association, a sudra can become higher than a brahmana, even in the present life.
“A person, whatever he may be, can attain the perfection of a twice-born brahmana by undergoing the spiritual disciplinary actions under the guidance of a bona-fide spiritual master, exactly as a chemist can turn gun-metal into gold by treating it with mercury.” (Hari-bhakti vilasa)
Conversely a brahmana can degrade himself to sudra or lower. A transcendentalist does not invest much thought and energy on their present/past disposition, knowing these to be non-permanent. Instead they devote whatever time is at their disposal to try to realize their eternal, original, pure nature in relation to the Supreme Soul.
The pressure you must have felt to live up to the standard of the rest of your family is understandable. But every living entity is endowed with some unique ability that they can use in service to God. Identify what that gift is in yourself, and by utilizing whatever gifts you are endowed with at present to connect with and serve Krishna, you can realize the perfection of your life, notwithstanding what past dispositions or baggage you may carry.
For example, Valmiki was a hunter turned to a great poet, but by delineating the activities of the Lord in the Ramayana, he became immortal. The perfection of any asset or talent is not in how high/low it is in worldly estimation, but how well it is used in the service of the Supreme. (Please see SB 1.5.22) As you do so, your intrinsic spiritual intelligence will increasingly unfold. I hope this addresses your questions and your heart.
