Question:
1) I have a tendency to retaliate if someone says something bad to me. I have heard in a lecture that ‘If you retaliate you may please yourself but If you do not Retaliate you please Krsna’. However I am not able to practically apply it in my Life. Please suggest dome practical ways to overcome this tendency.
2) I have a tendency to compare myself with others. If I see someone in a materially better condition I feel depressed. This tendency is automatic and I am not able to overcome it. Please help me.
Answer by Romapada Swami: 1) There is no hard and fast rule as to WHEN one should act strongly when one is offended/wronged vs. simply tolerating it.
Retaliation is actually not the correct way to react to someone’s bad behavior towards us even though it is not our fault. In fact Lord Krsna instructs us in BG 2.14 that one should tolerate duality, knowing the manifestations of duality to be illusory.
There are examples from the scriptures to show us how great personalities responded/reacted to when faced with such situations.
a) Vidura went to pilgrimage without getting disturbed after being insulted by Duryodhana and did not retaliate/oppose, did not get disturbed and did not try to correct the situation. SB 1.13.9
b) Similarly, in Dvaraka Krishna was wrongly defamed and criticized by Satrajit. Krishna showed us what to do: He stood by the truth, and the truth proved Him to be faultless.
c) There are many examples of our acaryas remaining totally humble in the face of undue criticism springing from envy or ignorance. Listen to the last day of the Vrndavan Yatra to hear the description of Jayadev Goswami’s response to serve physical harm done to him by dacoits. Feeling the Lord’s protection, we can easily forgive aggressors.
The key to know what to do in different circumstances is to remain in a humble service mood. Then only will we be receivers of direct prompts from Krishna as to how to best serve him in different circumstances.
Some further scriptural references:
Caitanya Caritamrta Adi 17.27
“A devotee engaged in chanting the holy name of the Lord should practice forbearance like that of a tree. Even if rebuked or chastised, he should not say anything to others to retaliate.”
b) Caitanya Caritamrta Adi 17.28
“For even if one cuts a tree, it never protests, and even if it is drying up and dying, it does not ask anyone for water.” PURPORT this practice of forbearance (taror iva sahisnuna) is very difficult, but when one actually engages in chanting the Hare Krsna mantra, the quality of forbearance automatically develops. A person advanced in spiritual consciousness through the chanting of the Hare Krsna mantra need not practice to develop it separately, for a devotee develops all good qualities simply by chanting the Hare Krsna mantra regularly.
2) Comparison with Others: You have very honestly put forth your feelings. In the material world everyone who comes to enjoy himself or lord it over material nature is envious of others. This envy is also found in the personality of the King of heaven, Indra so what to speak of conditioned soul like us.
Since no one in this material world can tolerate another’s advancement, everyone in the material world is called matsara, envious. If somebody is in some way greater than us, we are envious. “Oh, how has he progressed so much? How come he has more than I have? I also want the same as he has or even more.” This is the disease of the material world—envy. And indirectly culminates in our being envious of the Supreme Lord, Krishna who is the source and proprietor of everything.
In Krsna consciousness, however, if someone excels another person, the devotee who is excelled thinks how fortunate the other person is to be advancing in devotional service. Such non envy is typical of Vaikuntha.
Below are some of the practical ways that may help you to avoid the situation you are facing :
1. Chanting fixed number of rounds of the Hare Krsna Maha Mantra regularly and sincerely, in a humble mood and striving to take full shelter of Krsna. Simply by chanting Hare Krsna, Lord Caitanya has said the heart will become cleansed of all the dirty things accumulated in the heart.
2. Reading/hearing from the scriptures like Bhagavad Gita and Srimad Bhagavatam regularly and systematically. Please refer to SB 9.11.23, SB 11.29.15 where this instruction is given.
3. Associating and serving the devotees, attending the temple programs on regular basis.
